I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
