i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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