if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
