I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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