If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
