If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
