I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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