I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
