I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
