did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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