i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
