My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
