Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
