your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
