Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
