Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
