you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
