you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize