dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?