Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
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I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...