in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
