Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year