The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"