home. puking in laundry basket.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?