I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
thus making me awesome and them whores
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
