I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
