So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
if only i could text you this smell
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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