Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
