She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
