Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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