Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
