so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
