I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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