dude i'm inner monologue high
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How does it feel to date your dad?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
