Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
