I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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