That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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