Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
