I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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