at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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