why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
