Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
