I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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