I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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