Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
