I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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