my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
