she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
