just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
