Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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