It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize