you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
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Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
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I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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