it wasn't lemon gatorade
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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