The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
