shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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