my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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