I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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