told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything