the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
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Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
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I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.