im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule