john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Do vagina's smell?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something