i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
