Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
