Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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