I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
