the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Operation Purity has been aborted
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
