I like my sex mixed with concussions.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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