I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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