Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
