I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
