I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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