dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
