I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
