He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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