that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
