everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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