just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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