was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
